Shopping for sex toys can feel daunting. Where do you start? What’s an erogenous zone? Why do you like one thing the one day and something else the next?
So let's start with the basics: this is about you. Your body. Your sensations. Your pleasure. It's easy to get lost in what pleasure should look or sound or feel like. Songs tell us what should feel good and porn tells us at what point we should climax.
A big challenge in the world of personal pleasure is influence; society, pornography, friends, partners, podcasts, parents, religious doctrines and even PG-rated sex scenes. Through all this noise, our relationship with pleasure often starts from the outside and works its way in. Whereas the truth is that your pleasure should start from within.
This doesn’t mean pleasure can’t be shared or explored; it absolutely should be. But the foundation of your pleasure journey should always be personal.
P.S. An erogenous zone is just an area in your body receptive to arousal. It could be your genitals or it could be a super specific little spot behind your ear. There are general zones we tend to feel pleasure in but everyone is different. We don’t all tingle the same.
So let’s get personal. What's the first sensation that made your body tingle?
We all start somewhere. Maybe it was an unexpected moment on a bumpy bus ride. Perhaps a playful moment with your shower head or the soft grind of a pillow. Close your eyes and try to remember.
This isn’t about performance or expectation. It’s about exploration, listening to your body and understanding what brings you pleasure. It’s easy to imagine what pleasure looks or sounds like, but discovering what it truly feels like takes time and embodiment.
What is it you enjoyed about the experience?
- Was it the pressure?
- The feeling of fullness?
- The surprise of unexpected sensations?
- The texture of something?
- Or maybe the thrill of doing something a bit naughty?
Settle into your body as you reflect on this. Again, try to feel it rather than think about it.
How to do this: close your eyes and flex your pelvic floor muscles as you imagine the experience and the sensation of it across different areas of your body. As you reflect, go slow, go deep, groan, nibble on your lip if you must, touch yourself (especially your neck, your inner thighs or your chest). Use your body in your reflections and introspection.
Now, let’s build on that foundation as we explore how to create more sensations that bring you joy.
Sex Toys 101
Sex toys have simple yet important jobs. Ready to get a little more intimate with these magic makers? While the world of toys is vast, their functions generally boil down to a few core sensations:
- Vibration: Many sex toys offer vibrating sensations, ranging from gentle to intense. These can stimulate different erogenous zones, providing pleasurable sensations.
- Pressure and suction: Some toys, like nipple suckers or clitoral stimulators, create sensations of pressure or suction. This helps simulate oral play.
- Temperature: Certain toys allow for temperature play, like metal toys that can be left in the freezer or massage oil candles that can be dripped onto the skin, turning your whole body into a canvas of sensation.
- Texture: Smooth silicone or textured surfaces can create unique tactile experiences. If you’re highly sensitive, pay extra attention to how textures make you feel.
- Penetration: Internal toys provide fullness and explore internal erogenous zones, adding depth to your pleasure. This kind of sensation can be deep, meaningful and completely yours.
- Tickling or teasing: Feather ticklers or similar accessories can create light, teasing sensations on the skin. Depending on your sensitivity, this can warm you up or it can be the main event.
- Impact: Some BDSM-oriented toys like paddles or floggers provide impact sensations. This can be a great way to get out of your head and into your body.
- Restraint: Being consensually restrained can create a feeling of letting go or it can increase mental stimulation. These consensual boundaries can unlock a kind of psychological ecstasy that you’ve never felt before.
- Pinpoint stimulation: Toys that know exactly how to tease and please. Toys like pinwheels or bullet vibrators can offer precise, targeted sensations.
- Electrostimulation: Some advanced toys use mild electrical currents to create unique sensations.
- Sensory deprivation: Blindfolds or hoods can enhance other sensations by removing visual stimuli. When one sense disappears, every other sensation tends to amplify.
Okay, now where to actually start?
If you’re not comfortable going in person, start online. Start with a reputable seller that values your privacy and discretion (like Sexy Secret).
We recommend starting with simple and versatile toys.
Bullet Vibrators
If those bumpy bus rides or shower head moments excited you, these might be for you.
Think of these as your pleasure starter pack. Small, discreet and incredibly useful, bullet vibes are perfect for external (and internal) stimulation. They're basically the Swiss Army knife of the toy world - brilliant for exploring different erogenous zones and finding out what gets you going. This toy is great to use across your body and can be used for all sorts of fun, ranging from labia stimulation to exploring perineum play.
Try: Lavender Pocket Rocket 💜 Mini Bullet Vibe with 10 Modes by Lustra
What does a similar job with a lot more power and flexibility, is a wand vibrator. They're easy for you or someone else to hold.
Classic Vibrators
If you enjoy penetration and fullness, a classic vibrator is a natural next step.
Classic vibrators are also great for external stimulation. If you enjoy pillow humping or grinding, then holding a vibrator between your legs and sliding it up and down your pubic area absolutely needs to be on your to-do list.
Look for one with multiple speed settings. Start gently and build up as you get more comfortable.
Try: The PRETTY LOVE Elegant G-Spot Massager. Its ergonomic design helps you explore G-spot stimulation with ease. (Sexy tip: Your G-spot is likely to be located just behind your clitoris)
Butt Plugs
If you enjoy sensations of fullness and are curious about new forms of pleasure, anal exploration might be right for you.
The idea of anal play often takes more time to warm up to, both mentally and physically. Our bodies naturally respond to anxiety by tensing the anal muscles, which can make exploration uncomfortable or difficult. That's why anal play begins with building trust – first and foremost with yourself. The key ingredients are patience, relaxation, and plenty of lubricant.
When approached mindfully, anal stimulation can create unique sensations that resonate throughout your body. It's an experience that invites you to practice deep relaxation and body awareness. As you become more comfortable, you might discover new pathways to pleasure you hadn't considered before. More than that, giving yourself permission to explore your body fully, without judgment, can be deeply liberating.
Try:
The Perfect Fits Collection. This silicone collection starts quite small and includes three sizes so that you can increase the sensation when you feel ready for it.
If you’re looking for fullness AND depth, have a look at PRETTY LOVE Curved Silicone Butt Plug.
Or try this Rotating Anal Pleasure Plug. Gentle vibrations on the rim of your anas will relax your anal muscles and make the experience far smoother. You can use this toy externally before inserting it.
Sexy tip: being aroused will help loosen your anal muscles and make your body more receptive to anal play. So touch and tease yourself before you go for it!
How you can start to own these sensations for yourself and your own pleasure journey:
- Combine sensations to see how they enhance or contrast with one another.
- Discover new erogenous zones across your body; explore your inner thighs, ears, wrists, nipples, anus, or feet. You never know which might end up being a favourite.
- Connecting your physical explorations to another important practice in your life like meditating, journalling or scheduled intimacy with your partner.
- Explore our sexual wellness section for items that will enhance your play beyond toys.
Getting into and
Feeling sexy will make you feel sexy
It sounds obvious but this part needs a little more intention. Set the mood when you explore. Put on something that makes you feel hot, free and desirable. Whether that’s music, make up or lingerie is up to you.
Take your time
Start slow. Start soft. Overstimulation can be painful. If your toy feels too strong, use it over your knickers.
There's no rush
Set aside proper me-time to explore. A checklist of tasks from the week or 37 WhatsApp notifications from the family group chat won't excite anyone. Close the laptop. Mute the phone. Give yourself the time and attention.
Always be willing to try again
Pleasure can be complicated. Your mood, your relationship with yourself, the kind of day you’re having, the stage of your hormone cycle and your stress levels will all affect your pleasure; sometimes in great ways and sometimes in less-than-great ways. Ditch the pressure to climax and give yourself permission to enjoy the exploration regardless.
Materials matter
Body-safe silicone is your best mate here. It's non-porous, easy to clean and won't cause any unwanted reactions. Steer clear of anything that feels sticky or smells chemically - your bits deserve better than that.
Lubrication is your friend, your very best friend
A good water-based lubricant is essential for your toy box. It makes everything more comfortable and enjoyable. Remember: silicone toys and silicone lube don't play well together, so stick to water-based options.
Clean as you go
Always clean your toys before and after use with proper toy cleaner or mild soap and water.
Ready to share?
If you're introducing toys to partnered play, communication is key. Have a proper chat about what you'd both like to try. Make it fun - perhaps turn toy shopping into a date night activity. Remember, it's about adding to your pleasure toolkit, not replacing anyone.
The bottom line
Remember, pleasure is personal. What works for one might not work for another and that's perfectly fine. The joy is in the exploration, so take your time, stay safe and most importantly - have fun.
And if you're ever unsure, remember our golden rules:
- Always buy from reputable sellers
- Body-safe materials are non-negotiable
- Clean everything properly
- Listen to your body
- Keep an open mind and a sense of humour - if things don’t go according to plan, try again another time
Now go forth and explore, you magnificent creature. Your pleasure adventure awaits!
P.S. Keep your toys stored somewhere clean and dry, away from direct sunlight. Think of them as vampires - they prefer the dark and don't play well with too much heat.