So you’re curious about butt stuff?
Wonderful.
Anal play is one of the most misunderstood, most avoided and most pleasurable kinds of stimulation out there. And while it might have a reputation for being “advanced” or “extreme,” the truth is far more tender. Anal play doesn’t need to be rough, wild, or even penetrative to feel good. It tends to be hotter when it’s slow, consistently consensual and well-lubed.
This guide is your intro to the world of anal stimulation… whether you’re nervous or turned on, working with fingers or fancy toys, or on your own or with a partner or two.
Let’s begin at the beginning: with your bum.
Why the butt? The science of anal pleasure
The anus is rich in nerve endings. Like, thousands of them. That makes it a highly sensitive (and responsive) part of your body - capable of pleasure that’s deep, buzzy, and unlike anything else.
For some people, stimulation around the anus leads to waves of full-body pleasure. For others, it's a way to feel stretched, filled or simply more connected to sensation.
People with prostates may enjoy P-spot stimulation (often called the “male G-spot”) located a few centimetres inside the rectum toward the belly. But even without a prostate, the anal canal and surrounding nerve endings can offer delicious pressure, fullness and often indirect G-spot or A-spot stimulation.
Unclenching the shame: let’s talk about butt stuff, embarrassment and owning your curiosity
Even if you are curious about anal play, you might still feel... weird about it.
There’s a lot of public shame and internalised embarrassment around the butt. From playground jokes to cultural taboos, it’s often treated as off-limits, dirty or “not for people like me.”
But here’s the truth: the butt doesn’t care about gender, orientation or social scripts. It has nerve endings, so it can feel good. That’s biology, not deviance.
Still, those shamey thoughts can show up:
- “What if I fart?”
- “Is it unhygienic?”
- “Will they think I’m weird?”
- “What does it mean about my sexuality if I like this?”
Let’s break those down:
- Hygiene: With a bit of prep, lube and listening to your body, anal play can be perfectly safe and clean. (Mess can happen, sure. But that’s what wipes and showers are for. You’re human.)
- Farting or awkward noises: Air gets in. Muscles shift. Your body makes sound. That’s normal. Not a deal-breaker. A giggle and a “well, that’s new” goes a long way.
- What it means: It means you’re a curious, complex, sensation-loving human with a butt. That’s it. Enjoying anal stimulation has zero bearing on your gender, your identity or your orientation.
And beyond all this, overcoming these elements of shame with yourself or a partner or two, can deepen intimacy in ways you’ve never imagined.
"But what about the… the… what about the poop?"
This tends to be the most common worry, and a totally valid one. But here’s the science: poop isn’t just hanging out right there at the door. It’s actually stored far higher up in the rectum, while the anal canal (the last couple of centimeters) is typically empty unless you’re actively having a bowel movement. For people with regular digestion and no recent bathroom emergencies, that means the anal canal is often cleaner and emptier than people expect.
And hey, maybe avoid drinking a glass of milk one or two hours before you play. There are a range of diets and opinions around fibre intake and timing your digestion so if you really want to be super, super, super certain, there are ways to make things more reliable.
How to talk about anal play
If you’re nervous to bring it up with a partner, try framing it in terms of curiosity, not certainty.
“I’ve been thinking about trying anal play - not because I know exactly what I want, but because I’m curious about what my body might enjoy.”
Or:
“There’s so much shame around the butt, but I don’t want that to stop me from exploring. Can we try something light, like external touch or a plug, and see how it feels?”
Being honest about your nervousness often builds more intimacy than pretending to be confident. Your partner might even be relieved you brought it up, they may be curious too.
And if you're exploring solo: speak aloud. Affirm yourself.
“I get to explore this. I don’t need to explain why. I’m allowed to be nervous and still go for it.”
Overcoming shame doesn’t happen in a day. But every breath, every “yes,” every lube-slathered finger or toy is a reclamation.
Before you go there: the prep talk
A little preparation goes a long way when it comes to anal.
- Clean. From comfort to the experience itself, having a fresh butthole will set the tone for the experience and for your own ability to let go. Get your index finger soapy, wash around your anus and if possible, stick the tip of your soapy finger inside. Some people swear by douching, but that's not essential. Again, do what makes you comfortable.
- Breathe. Unwanted tension can be the enemy of pleasure. Deep breathing helps relax the pelvic floor, especially around the anus.
- Lube like it’s your religion. The anus doesn’t self-lubricate. You’ll want a thick, long-lasting lube. Silicone lube is great for the booty, but water-based works well too. Don't be shy to reapply again and again.
- Start externally. Stroke, tap, circle, and massage the area around the rim. It can feel amazing without anything going in. This builds arousal and helps your body feel safe.
Anal play does not exclusively mean penetration
Say it with us: anal pleasure doesn’t have to mean penetration.
There’s so much to explore on the outside, like the perineum (the soft bit between your genitals and anus), the rim (a.k.a. rimming or anilingus), and gentle surface play with fingers, toys or tongues. These nerve-dense areas can light up with the right kind of attention.
Shallow insertion (a fingertip or slim toy tip) can also feel wonderful without going deep. Think of it like “shallowing,” but for your backdoor.
When you’re ready to go deeper
Feeling turned on, relaxed and curious? Great. If you're not there yet, focus on your other erogenous zones. Get into an incredible aroused state before exploing deeper.
Then start to explore very slowly with a small plug or finger. Insert with lube and let your body adjust. Don’t push through resistance, wait for it to open with breath and patience.
You might be surprised to find that, once your body is relaxed and aroused, anal insertion feels not just tolerable, but electric.
Anal sex tips (for when you’re curious)
Ready to level up to partner play?
- Talk first. What do you both want to explore? What are your limits, signals, safewords?
- Stay slow. Start with external play, kissing, oral, or mutual masturbation before any penetration.
- Reapply lube. And again. And again.
- Listen to the receiver’s body and voice. If you’re the one receiving, you are in control - of the pace, the depth and intensity. The receiver must be in the position where they can maintain control or be very comdortable to verbally communicate: slower, deeper, give me one minute before going further, more lube etc.
- Positions that give the receiver control (like spooning, doggystyle or being on top) can make anal sex feel much safer and more enjoyable.
- Use condoms or wash toys between anal and vaginal play to avoid infections.
Toys to explore more anal moments
Let’s clear one thing up: if something’s going in your butt, it needs a flared base. Why? Because the anus doesn’t have an “end” the way the vagina does. It’s a one-way trip, and that base is your retrieval rope. The base is how you make sure you don’t end up on this list.
- Heartbreakers Jewelled Butt Plug set: Three sizes in smooth, body-safe metal, so you can start small and work your way up at your own pace.
- Booty Called, a Small Jewelled Metal Anal Plug: A small jewelled metal plug that’s ideal if you want to begin with one simple, beginner-friendly option.
- Obsidian: A wand vibrator with a flexible head, perfect for warming up and exploring sensation around the entrance.
"You haven't really spoken about the prostate."
You're right, you're right.
Think of the prostate as a little pleasure button hiding just beyond the rectal wall. About the size of a walnut, this sensitive gland is often nicknamed the P-spot because, for some bodies, the right kind of attention can unlock deep, delicious sensations that feel very different from other kinds of pleasure.
This Ergonomic Prostate Massager is perfect for when you want that combo of fullness and pressure on the prostate or inner anal wall. The gentle curve helps target juicy areas.
Okay, let's do a cheeky recap:
- Take your time. There’s no timeline for anal pleasure.
- Use your breath. It’s your best tool for relaxation.
- Keep lube nearby. Always.
- Try new angles, depths, toys. Mix it up.
- Laugh if things get weird. Because they will. That’s part of the fun.
Exploring your backdoor isn’t about proving anything or rushing to a destination. It’s about curiosity, sensation, and giving your body something new to say yes to. So go slow. Go soft. Go deep, when you’re ready.
Just don’t forget the lube.